Dear Dad

IMG_9189First I want to thank you for just being you and that being the comic man that you are. Now i can get this sap post started. I can honestly say i love you, even though i may have talked about you to my friends, or wrote something crazy about you in one of my journals i never stopped loving you. You gave me somethinf i know for a fact i would not have with out you and that was confidence. Even though you told me to ” get real” with some of my dreams at times knowing well i could of been the next Beyonce you always told me, ” if you want it work for it” and that “i can do anything i put my mind to “. And you were right. That is another major thing you somehow most of the time always seemed to be right. Wheather it was about guys or friends or if my outift was tacky and not flattering you were always first to tell me. Thank you. I mean who else has a dad that pops up on them randomly to see what they are up to. Like i think back then to 2012 and how much i disliked you and would have vivid dreams of me getting older and placing you in a adult home, and would envisionmyself skipping off into the sunset as you met your last and final home, then it changed. I grew up and you semi relaized you could not hide me forever from boys and you and your crazy look did not intimidate me as much and you had seen i was starting to push the lines and become a person who started to thinkf for her own and did her own thing regardless of who it hurt and or made mad. In hopes of pissing you off to let me go and be a free little bird, you dang near snapped my neck. You went from being a monkey on my back to being the grim reaper residing inside my soul. The point is you never left me when at the time all i wanted was for you to let me do my own teenage thing. And as years passed and graduation came i got the chance i so despertaly wanted. And July 13 2015 was the day everything had changed for not only me but you. I was going to be 12 hours away, 5 states total you were going to have no eye on me 24/7 and that thought was amazing until it was reality. It was weird not hearing you scream at 2k, it was odd eatting in a nice quite peaceful house and not hearing you scream talk to uncle todd on the phone but mostly it was weird missing the reaper, i went from having a presence that made itself well known to nothing. but from that i grew, i got to be a free little bird and you cut into me about some things like i expected you to, i was kinda wanting it since it has been forever. And i had learned to semi live without you. But when i think about who i am now it is all you. I watch football now and scream at the tv, i eat food with my eyes closed, when somebody is talking to me and a mirror is around i look at myself as the person talks to me, as i turn corners in my car i semi gas it, and most importantly when i am working out and feel as if my body is gonna shut down i keep pushing. Like you did when you were doing high knees in warren to show jayven how to do them and caught a wicked cramp but kept going because of ” determination” You taught me how to be me. I mean like people adore me believe me or not and it is because you. I watched you and did what you did just added my own little flavor to it and bam it made me. And i love you for it and can not tell you enough how thankful i am to have you Che to many middle names to type Hall as my father.

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