I have always been curious as to who I was vs who i am meant to be. These past week into week 2 of week 7 of summer classes and this is all i am thinking of. School is as always kicking my ass and though i would love to drop out and pursue working full-time at a nice little paying job and live paycheck to paycheck it is not in me. I have discovered a lot of things i once thought i was i am not. Like i believed i was this heartless little savage, granted i am a little savage i am far from heartless. I realize i am actually a caring person i just am unaware of how to express myself unless i write it. Summer is speeding by so fast am i am worried about living i am forcing myself to live. I do things i have no enjoyment doing but i do it because i know it is what i need to do. I have realized a lot regarding school, friends, family and i am growing. I do not feel the need to explain myself or any of my action due to the fact nobody ever explained themselves to me and i have never asked them to. And that is the beauty in growing. You lose people but yet you gain so many and soon many experiences. I look back at dumb choices i have made and cringe but those same mistakes have taught me the difference between who i was vs i wanted to be. And for the time i admit it i was ” caught in the hype”. I wanted to always go out and be seen and just be the center of everything school the furthest thing from my mind then one day i hated it. i hated always leaving my bed,spending money, i felt like somebody that was not me. Now do not get me wrong i enjoy an amazing party but daily no, drinking every weekend no, being out and about always somewhere nope! I realized i was going through my famous ” Tyanna phases” a phase where i lose my little mind. I had been trying things and seeing if it was my thing. And i have learned the following.
- wedges and downtown Detroit do not mix
- I am in love, and i mean in love with downtown settings, got to live in NYC for a time in my life
- i have legit 2 friends
- people will forever doubt you, so work harder to prove them wrong
- YOUR GUT FEELING IS ALWAYS RIGHT
- once a whore, always a whore
- lies are so comforting but the truth is worth the pain
- your dad knows everything
- your mom knows a lot you should talk to her more, be her friend cause she just might be a little lit
- you will miss your sister when you least expect it
I am only 18 soon to be 19 in August and i feel like i have learnt a lot from myself and my stupid decisions and just living. You can not be afraid to mess up and fall here and there, that is what makes life fun and interesting in the long run.