I have seemed to master the art of playing myself, in the sense of life. I felt like all of 2016 I want to be everywhere and yet no where new. I wake up and want to stay in Michigan where other days i want to move half way across the country and never return and become somebody new. I want to change my profession every few months, i just wanted something new and fun. and while in the mist of drowning in my indecisiveness i had realized everything i had ever really wanted was already there.
THE PEOPLE WHO WASTE YOUR TIME!
The first thing i had a problem with was trying to change somebody who did not want to change. I used to be like and i know a lot of people like this. And i used to think ” oh my he will change” or ” oh my god she did not mean to be that back stabbing bitch, she is just upset.” then i woke up and realized people do what you allow and they say how they feel because they mean it. And nobody deserved to be anybody second choice, and sure as hell treated as if they are average. A major problem is that people think they need somebody and that their life is pointless unless they are rich and or married and living the typical american life. That is where people are wrong we were put on this world to be somebody and do something major, And if people feel like they can treat you like shit and or an option or choice leave them!!! trust me i used to be like ” omg he is so fine, there is nobody like him and vise versa. And blah blah blah there are a billion plus people on this planet find your person and love them, because in the end that is all we all want.
I mean I have always loved myself, like always i know i am fine, smart, funny and charming but i had just realized my true worth. Like i am a prize. I work for my own have my own and am in the mist of creating my own. Granted i mess up along the way but i am human and that is bound to happen and i used to beat myself up about that and would be like ” damn Tyanna” or “wtf Tyanna ” or my personal favorite ” Tyanna like really are you serious bitch” because all my bad decisions i have known better, i really did but i use to be an act on impulse and short-term when now i think for th along, i enjoy thinking about tomorrow and weeks a years ahead, and i know everybody says live for now as you should but live with real expectations because expecting a gem after only a day of digging only leads to high hopes and hurt feelings. set small goals for the day and execute them and build up and look in the mirror and realize your re beautiful and you deserve the damn best, nothing less.
I would like to believe i have a place i can go back to and be like ” this was my home”, and when i say that like i grew up clothed and shelter but a home is a place you love a have a full bond connection too and i do not have that. Some may think detroit is my home when it is just a place i am familiar with, just like Georgia. I like places and states but have yet to fall in love and bond with a place and refer to it as my home. And i feel like growing up my miscommunication in myself effected my communication with others. I cam off as somebody who did not care, when all in reality all i did was care. I wanted to become somebody my grandma hall had always said i would be, i wanted to become somebody my dad would actually like but i did not want to lose me. My biggest battle was everybody wanting me to change when i had yet to discover who i wanted to be. When people tell others to change something due to their feelings is like asking the sky to change colors because you do not like the color blue. I had done the therapy and the little talks and i look back at them now and hated that things like that are real. I honestly did not find peace in talking to strangers about my problems and hearing them tell me rehearsed bullshit and i did not enjoy being told what i had to change in order to make myself more appealing to others. All i had ever wanted was people to let me be. I enjoy being alone. It’s not depression or anti-social its i love discovering me. And having people on your back telling you all you have done wrong and all you do wrong you shut down. I had realized i am home when i am alone and on the move, i will find home when i have my own place, where i want and who i am with, and when i am semi-molded into the person i dream to be.
I read some peoples blogs,tweets and status have others talk to me about how they feel and i realize alot of people are so sad and hurt and i wish that all of you knew life gets better and life improves. you get your dream job, you discover your dream school, you meet new amazing people that make you forget about the old ones. The people who unfollowed you or cut you out their life come back to you becasue they realize your worth and everything just slowly but surely falls into place. I just want everybody to know it gets better you get it right. Just make sure you are here to see it happen for yourself, because somebody loves you, So i pray that you learn to love yourself.