This summons up my pre-madonna lifestyle at the moment. we are all one month into the fall semester I still shockingly have straight A’s and my life sucks. literally. i was always told when i get good grades i would get some type of reward or something and granted i get the feeling of ease and accomplishment i had way more fun being the girl who did not care and did not obsess over making the honor roll.I used to be the girl who was satisfied with the C’s get degrees and was actually semi happy, and now i just feel like ” wtf tyanna this is not you” i feel like i am either growing up more or just in my robotic school is needed mode, but i can not stop thinking about who i said i would never become, and how i am slowly becoming her.
Everybody always used to tell me, how I went through life with no plan and how it would leave me astray and lost, but me being who i am how were they going to tell me how to live my life. however i here i am right now with a plan, that i am living by and it is not that bad i guess. It gave me a structure to follow but i still have that other side of me that knows it is not me and i still have that other side that wants to get out and just live where the other half knows i need my degree and that education is power. but that does not mean kill the curiosity side.
While in my new structure modern life, I have yet to lose the dream of living in a big city. Going from Michigan to Atlanta some may call a huge move however a city where you have zero desire to be in is not a move it is a downfall. if i have learned anything these past years is do not live in a place were you are not excited to return to after a long day at work/school. I have yet to find that place for me. i have never felt the little happiness in my heart and it is i am still 19, and still in college but by 21 i want that damn spark and i am working and hopeing it is NYC. because their writing capital and good in marketing so where else would i rather go, the city that never sleeps the place where i know i need to be for the reason i am still unaware of, but i know it’s a place i have to see.
I am growing up, I am realizing there are some things i do want, and some i don’t some people i wish would just vanish out of my life and never reappear. i think after years i am truly beginning to find my own little niche. i learned business is an interesting subject in college to study, journalism is all about connections and the world is meant to be explored and you are not meant to live and die in the same place. you were not made into a tree you were not created to sit in one place and never move. When i tell people how i plan on going places they sit and tell me how i need to get real and id be lying if i say i never fed into their advice and thought about getting “real” but don’t. My biggest motivation to keep going was the fact one of my professors told me out of her 20 years of teaching college she has never met somebody like me. she said i had the mind of a taker. that when i want something i take it regardless of the consequences. that i piss people off simply by knowing who i am and what i want. her telling me that showed me you will not always be made for everybody but you are for sure made for somebody. and my job is to tell you reading this blog go out and get your dreams. work hard and never stop and NEVER become complacent. i believe in you.