Life is crazy.
I say this whole heartily and mean it. Life does not go in our favor, and when it does you can almost guarantee somewhere down the line things are going to get out of control and all is going to go to hell. in may it will make 2 years since i graduated high school. in january it will make 19 years since my first new year’s eve celebration, and all i have to remember these moments in my life is pictures.
My grandma is huge on getting pictures at family events, she is the one who wants to take but never wants to be in, and i am in the same if i am not feeling myself or my hair or outfit. But the past week i have done a lot of cleansing with the storage of my patio and phone and this past week has been hell for me. Life has just been hectic and I’ve been emotionally drained, and everything was just hitting me at once, then i started looking at all my pictures and videos.
I first came across these. i took these 3 weeks prior to graduating high school and this is my sister. the girl who is 3 years younger then me and probably has the same amount of college credits i have, and who is taking college calc, as to where i failed math every year if high school but these pictures were worth the time i took out of that moment to take them. we were leaving my aunt’s wedding rehearsal and the light was hitting right so we had to flick it up. For those who personally know me and athena know we fight…. a lot. But the older we both got the closer we came together again. I tell this specimen everything and as she does for me. We bond over the things such a as out dad being the biggest side buster ever, our hate for overly happy people, and most importantly how ignorant our dad can get ( that is the biggest thing we bond over0 sorry dad but you’re the main topic of our discussions. we are 3 years apart but so much in common and so many pictures with her, love love love this ferret.
it was when i was looking at these photos i realized how obsessed i was not only with myself but pictures. i am always taking and posting a selfie. and some may view it as narcissistic and self centered but everybody has their opinion as i have my own prerogative. I like to snap it up, i like to do my cliche poses and i love to take 345 pictures to only select 2 of the 341, that is me, that is T’yanna and they are my memories I can not remember this day, i tried thinking back but i can’t but this picture we must of been having fun because do you see these smiles.
I may have talked her into doing something i wanted to do and had her go first just to be safe who knows, i always used her to do wild things to see if i would get hurt, and trust me when i say the tables turned. but this picture makes me smile everytime i see it due to the fact she is 12 hours away and my dad is doing his side busting activity making it hard to have my daily ” i hate the world ” talks with her which save my sanity because she be going through it just much as me. but this picture somebody took the time out of the in the moment and snapped the damn picture, not i am here to tell you
TAKE THE DAMN SELFIE
” ONLY SELF CENTERED PEOPLE ENJOY SELFIES” ” GET OUT THE CAMERA” ” STOP BEING SO NARCISSISTIC” ” DON’T YOU GET TIRED OF LOOKING AT YOURSELF” “ENOUGH WITH THE SELFIES”
That is my face when people say that to me. And that is the face i encourage you all to make when people say it to you. Take your selfies, embrace your selfies, be your selfies. It is your phone, your face, your selfies, snap it up boo!
I will openly admit when my selfies come out looking extra fire, i get to feeling myself like i am the baddest thing on earth, that i am untouchable and invincible, and honestly there is nothing wrong with that, i think people as whole in society are told to have self esteem and high self worth, but when they display it they are labeled as self centered and narcissistic. And there is a bold line between embracing your face and selfies and being narcissistic. i will help break it down
You think highly of yourself and down on others, you think the world revolves you and only you and openly discuss this. you see no flaws within yourself because to you you are perfect and you can do no wrong, you are a walking, living, breathing timepiece the world is yours and people are just living in it. you do not care about a damn thing but you.
you know you, you celebrate you. you take a lot of selfies, you speak highly of yourself but as well as others. you know you have flaws, you embrace those flaws. personally my biggest flaw is am a hypochondriac, i like to act as if the world is ending when one thing goes bad. hints the primadonna in my tagline. i am very dramatic and it is a flaw, however i branded myself off my flaws and openly admit it. When loving yourself it may come off as narcissistic due to the fact not everybody is to that point in their lives and you can not blame them.
loving yourself is a journey and it takes time.
Not Everybody will live up to society exception of pretty, and not everybody wants to fit society explanation of pretty it is all about the person alone.
I used to compare myself to instagram famous girls when i was 16. i used to think that if i had a bigger but a small waist, and the weave that cost somebodies rent then boom life would be easy and perfect. and that was not the case. due to the fact
- i love pizza, and i am not with that whole not eating no sugar mess, it is not me
- i will never have silky straight bouncy hair. my hair is curly always has been always will be
- i will never be what society wants because society does not even know what society wants.
When i got braids i took a lot of selfies, the urge to get the braids came to me in the middle of the night at 2 am. i was sick of my hair straight, and i did not want to deal with my curls and it was the best thing i think i did in 2016. braids bring out your face and people pay attention to it, and you will as well, i did. i have big lips, my nose is not the cute button nose and my eyebrows get crazy when i do not keep them up, however my selfies with the braids made me realize i am a man clown for ever hating my hair, and a bigger clown for attempting to abide to society rules for embracing yourself and self love.
everyone loved straight hair Tyanna, everybody loved the straight hair selfies, everybody was all for it, but me. i enjoyed it in the beginning but after the 2 weeks i realized i had went straight simply because people liked it more, it made me look older, it made me look professional, and it had drained me in the sense of myself, and had causes heat damage and i kept it up simply because pretty hurts and the pains worth the embarrassment and approval of society. looking at the pics when my hair is straight i realized i have never woke up and thought to straighten my hair simply because i wanted to it was because i felt i had to. and looking back it was a dumb decision and a weak one. some people learn from stories, other learn from experience, i learn from pictures and selfies. i look at this picture and thank god i am no longer in that place of my life. having to straighten my hair every morning to look “grown” when i know i am grown, people who know me know i am grown, and what does it matter if the cute guy at the goddamn mall thinks i look 12, my hair, my head, my choice, my selfie.
This is me, nothing else. i have big curly hair, i have a mole on my eyebrow, 3 beauty marks on my face and eyebrows that seem to grow back faster and thicker than weeds do. this is my favorite selfie because it is me literally how i wake up, go to sleep, throughout the day and looking at the selfie above to this, even though i look upset in this picture, i was 10 times happier in the this one. the selfie above was taken in summer, when i was living carefree and really just trying to see who i was and who i wanted to be and the bottom one i took when i found the idea of who i wanted to be, and am liking who i am becoming. 2 selfies that hold so much background and not just me being a narcissist who enjoys looking at herself.
Take the selfie, love the selfie, be the selfie because when you feel lost, and upset or happy you’ll have the memory along with the backstory and you will be surprised how one picture can change your whole mood and outlook on a situation.