Did i ever tell you guys i love to take pictures, and have my picture taken ( when i am in the mood). This picture above I was in Tallahassee Florida, visiting my friend Michelle who was graduating from The Florida State, and this picture is my favorite from the hundred i took from there simply because i was free. I was not worried about school, family, work, college, simply wondering when we were gonna go to the pool and if i was gonna get the tan i was in desperate need of.
In Florida i had learned a lot of things about myself and other people, here are just a few
- I am such a people person, i enjoy making new friends it just hard for me to find genuine people
- Some of my ” friends” back home do not like me for me, simply use me for thins i offer
- Though i am 19 turning 20 my father will still find the slightest thing to worry about me and blow it into this Taken meets Law and Order SVU mixup
- Florida though crazy is simply beautiful
- I completely and utterly can not stand Michigan, especially the winter cause i hate the snow
- Boys only seem to miss you when another guy is trying to talk to you
- My cat Jasper is the only guy who has the ability to piss me the hell off over and over again but is the first little animal/thing i look for when i am upset.
In the past month i had convinced myself of many things, things i know damn well is not real and is just my emotional ass going through a phase. The first thing i had convinced myself of was that i had found my soulmate. I realized i have a bad habit for thinking anybody who is nice o me and ask me about my life goals and seems to give a genuine fuck about me can patiently be my person. when in reality it is simply I am just an amazing person. i hold great conversations, i am nice to look at, and i am hilarious. Though we may not be made for each other we were meant to cross paths for some reason.
The second thing i had convinced myself is that i am a jackass, i realized when people would ask me why don’t i settle down with one guy? why do i say i have ” multiple” boyfriends, it was just me being a jackass when in reality it was me simply being me. I prefer to mix and mingle and see what the hell is out there. which leads me to number three
The third thing i was lying to myself about was that i have ym life figured out and planned. I do not know a damn thing, i just sort of wing everything and hope for the best, i have nothing set in stone and kind of just go with the flow of life, and though very dangerous in some aspects it is woking for me.
Basically to wrap it all up it all up i do not know what the hell my life is right now. i finally got a dream yet am losing people out my life left and right. i am losing weight and gaining weight seems like every other week. my hair smells like coconut oil and ” dream big” oil essences. my nails and toes are pretty, college is going great, and i cry as little as twice a week. But at least i can say i am trying and succeeding. I gave up on friendships, relationships, anything that was drowning me and holding me back is just gone. and though my heart needs time to heal i will continue to put myself through everything i see worth time because one day somebody is going to com across my blog and read it and they are going to take into consideration what i am saying and all that I want you reading this to know is if you do not become a misguided hot mess you are not trying to reach your full potential.