Not being happy is A okay.

There are a million reasons to walk away yet i choose to pick the 1 that says stay, then it is when all hell breaks loose i learn that it is okay to listen to majority and hurt others. 

Life is not a fairytale, your friends do not defend your name when you are not around, the guy does not want you, the girl you are obsessed with is indeed all about your fiend, and you don’t get the job and lastly you fail the class.  you fail, you do not pass GO, you do not hear people telling you congratulations you hear nothing but you feel a million things….. you my friend reading this you are alive. 

If you were happy all the time you are either on drugs or not living in the real world, people are going to hurt you and most importantly and very frequently you are going to hurt yourself. Personally my biggest enemy is myself, i hurt myself more then anybody and everybody that has ever hurt me combined simply because i can. There has been multiple times i have allowed people to make me feel uncomfortable, people to make me feel as if i was nothing, and people tell me i was something and somebody i knew i wasn’t simply because they could. Life is not some movie. we do not all make it to the end so when is enough, just enough for you? 

I am learning everybody has a limit, and a trigger. Everybody has something that they just can not tolerate and they begin to break and mine is when people expect me to believe everything is rainbows and butterflies and that everyday i should be happy. 

happy is a feeling not a lifestyle. it is a mood, a feeling, everyday you are not meant o be happy.  We have emotions for a reason and that being to let us know we are alive and that we are still very much here. Today to be honest with you i was numb, i was not happy nor sad i was just going through the motions thinking about getting home for break, and it was when i hearing people saying be happy or think of the bright side i realized how fucking stupid we sound telling sad people to find their bright side. sometimes people need to sit in the shade to appreciate and accept the sun. 

stop forcing people to  be fake happy because you are, people need time and everybody heals different. personally when i am not in the bright side and in mood i just listen to music and think about everything but that is me, i am T’yanna nobody else is me and they may deal with their pain different so who am i to tell them to cheer up because others have it bad. 

when somebody is upset they are usually looking for reassurance that they have a right to be upset , nobody wants to hear about third world problems when they are facing personal problems of their own. 

STOP SPOON FEEDING PEOPLE TEMPORARY BRIGHT SIDES, LET THEM VENT AND HEAL ON THEIR TIME. 

Everybody deals with life different just stop forcing happy and let it happen. If it wasn’t for the one night i was in tears over human anatomy and the fact i was seeming to be betrayed by everybody i considered a friend, and if my friend Lauren didn’t tell me ” let it all out, handle it with what best fits you and your needs to be better” and that was me crying then writing about it in my journal and the next day i felt amazing. she didn’t tell me stop being dramatic, or others have it worse. she simply understood i was having a damn day. 

I think that people push the idea of always being happy to simply disregard how unhappy they are, when you are unhappy and see unhappy people you in a way are reminded how you feel, due to the fact you are masking and pushing the fact out of your head. My dad always told me growing up that  i need to channel my anger and make it positive then it went to how others have it worse and that some things you have to let go, and now it is we can’t go back in time now what is, is.  And it is not. Sometimes you are going to feel like your life is a joke, that you are not doing enough, that you are disappointing people and that maybe life would be better if you were not there. all this sad messed up shit is dark but it is real and it is valid but it also parts and pieces that make the whole. 

pain and hurt is apart of the life cycle, the sun can not shine without the moon. life is going to be hard, and get even harder and you are going to feel many of emotions you don’t want to feel and get hurt by people who you would never expect it to come from and people you don’t even know. but in the end we all have 24 hours and a breaking point, and we each deal with it different. take your time to regroup and lastly take care of yourself, and remember that if you have nobody you always will have and always have had you, and it may not be now or in your past but one day you will have somebody who went through their own personal hell, just to find and have you. 

One thought on “Not being happy is A okay.

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