I have been distracted to say the least. I use to write all the time it was helpful for me to get all i was thinking and feeling out, so i am going to get back on it. From my last post you are able to see where my head was at and how i was feeling, currently i just feel very brand new and very content with my own company.
I have been seeing people have babies, celebrate relationship anniversaries , living their best relationship life. and i learned a few things about myself i had no idea was ever a thing of mine until recently
- I hate when people make promises with me, It honestly irritates me and sets me to the edge simply because a promise is solid to me, i take them serious and when they are broken I am very upset and annoyed by it.
- I hate when people check in on me without checking on me, do not watch my snapchats, like my pictures and not reach out to me personally. I honestly am such a easy going person i would appreciate a how are you call or message or have a good day text something, i do the same for people so i would love it if i got it in return.
- I am very forgiving very fast, i get mad then get over it.
- I can really go now without talking to somebody who breaks my trust
- i prefer to trust somebody over loving them
I am a lover i love everybody in my life, however i do not trust everybody in my life making trust more important to me. If i can tell you any and everything that is special considering i barely tell people anything personal. They usually get the surface and a few intimate details, if i call you and tell you every and any little thing that is me showing i trust you and love you.
Now being in the early 20’s people are not perfect and you are going to get your feelings hurt and others are going to hurt your feelings and that is where 5 percent of life is what happens and 95 percent is your reaction.
I am quick to get offended and catch an attitude and that is not okay, it is something i am beginning to work on and i caught this flaw from an incident that occurred recently. I caught myself about to go off and end all ties then i found myself reading what i typed and i started to laugh because i was worked up for nothing. and from the paragraph i simply changed it to ” you’re good”
” You’re good” translates: I am not entertaining this situation it is pointless in my eyes this communication is finished have a great life.
I am going to be real, i do not give a fuck how i make you feel after you play me out, i do not give a damn. Speaking from personal experience 9 times out of 10 if they play you once they will not have a problem doing it a second time a third time and so on. Growing up i always thought people should get second chances but now i realize there is no such thing as a second chance just a game of russian roulette.
A liar is a liar, a thief is a thief and repeated behavior is not a mistake but a choice.
I was a huge enabler who loved to play victim. i allowed people to talk to me when they wanted to on their terms and time, and never said anything about it because i did not want to lose that person in my life, now i am at the point if you want to leave i will hold the door and make sure you leave and do not come back. And even if you do not want to leave i will make you want to leave because if i feel like you are toxic to me I’m not moving in caution for you.
in the past week i told 7 people that they were good. and that is 7 less people i have to worry about or concern myself with what they were doing. 7 people who could not get it right the first time. I am not a life nazi nor expect perfection but i respect and expect th truth when you feed me bullshit i am not going to feed into it and hear you out simply because i am too smart for it and secondly i am insulted at that point. And those are just two things you are not coming back from.
Now before you say ” you are going to end up alone being that strict”
Yes i am, but i would rather be alone in my own company then surrounded by people who do not give a genuine damn about me. I found things i was tolerating to be things i hated with a passion making myself unhappy. So what i did was make a list of 10 things that were deal breakers and 6 things i would not let anybody do or say to me ever in their life, and if they did they had to go because it would not work.
- Think of me as a distraction
- Take me for granted
- Hit me up inconsistently on their time
- A “COME AND SEE ME” person who has a full working car
- make my feelings seem invalid
- makes promises they can not keep
I see signs in people and ignore them because i want it to work with that person because that person intrigues me and i end up hurting myself even more. So now i am to the point where i do not want to get to know anybody because i am enjoying getting to know myself in peace. I am learning things on my own for myself and nobody can tell me or teach me about me better then me.