I believe that love does make you crazy I believe it is this social philosophy we put into place cover the fact we are willing to do whatever to show somebody we are worthy of having them in our life as in a way deserving.
Love has never made me “crazy” now it has made me mad, confused, bitter, happy never crazy. Today I was thinking how i never really been in love with anybody seriously because i was never “crazy” when i realized love is not simply one emotions it is many.
Sometimes I think i am the only person who i love simply because I will do anything to defend my own peace and mental well-being and with that being said I think it is time i begin to share some stories. And for the beginning story i will start with first encounter i had with a guy who i simply only found nice looking simply because others did and in the end i learned looks are superficial and being shallow you will never win in the end.
I only showed interest in you because somebody said they had a complex that would get what they want simply because I was curious about you.
Nothing more nothing less. You weren’t ugly to me but you were not god’s gift. I know that is probably a first for you but there is a first time for everything. In all honesty you were the first person i ever talked to that i completely regret even giving the time of day. I mean aside from your bland personality, your sophomore reading level capability and yearning for ” social clout” you weren’t that bad of a person, i mean aside from the fact you put yourself on this pedestal as if you were doing me the favor of talking to me when in reality you were lucky i lowered my standards ( literally lowerd them because my guys are usually 6 feet plus and you’re a good 5’7 with times and that is me being generous with the height. )
The thing that bothers me about you is i never speak on you because you are really nothing to speak on. So as to why you feel the need to speak on me is beyond me, but i know you read my blogs so i figured this was the best way to let you know, you were simply me answering a curiosity i had.
I was curious about you and i thought you were this different type of person. I mean you were attractive, seemed to be well liked and had girls at your head yet you were single… instantly lighting my curitiousty about you, so i acted on it. And in the beginning i didn’t think you were bland but i did think you were stupid in a few ways being
- You can’t talk a whole sentence without pausing or staring off into space
- You can’t hold eye contact which let me know you were sneaky
- You were quiet and sneaky which showed me my curiosity was valid
It was when i got to get to know you more i discovered
You were one of the most socially awkward bland, high school minded guys i have ever met since high school which was 3 years ago.
I mean aside of you always hitting me up first, and wanting to hangout and always making the first form of contact, we would of never talked after the first time hanging out, and you know that. The phone records show this, the text threads show it and my snapchat shows it as well, well it might granted i removed you back in like november. I just added you back due to the fact you have been talking about me and i wanted to see first hand. The thing that pissees me off most about you was the fact we didn’t even end on good or bad terms we simply ended.
When we ended i didn’t even speak on you, even to my friends, hell the 2 people that knew about us through me didn’t even know we fell out because you were never that important to bring up nor discuss to them. I am writing this and it is coming off pretty mean and blunt but it is the truth, something you struggle with telling. You feel comfortable going around talking about me to other people but the real thing you should be discussing is do you know yourself?
Last time i recalled one of our conversations you went on and on about how you felt like you were what people wanted you to be and not yourself. I remember instead of judging you i talked with you and told you things you could do to improve your happiness, and the messed up part to this was i was helping you when i was in hell myself. I know you aren’t this evil monster but i do know you are very insecure, low self-esteemed damaged man.
Nothing i have ever said to you or done to you was un-genuine. you knew I didn’t like you to the point i wanted a relationship, and you know damn well I never once asked you for a friendship at that. You were simply there and i was simply there. we talked here and there when i would post a funny snap or you needed company because you were over putting on that superficial act you do around your friends. Let me ask you this do they know in your free time you do art, or that you listen to podcast and about politics at that? I mean I can go on with the dragging of you but i am going to end it here.
You know who you are, and i hope one day you learn who you are and discover a sense of self love and learn that you don’t have to discuss other people to earn ” social clout” or acceptance from others, and lying on people to have ” good tea” is such a high school move you are in your 20’s lets grow up pal.