If my plans for my life would of went how I wanted them too I can honestly say I would probably commit suicide before turning 28. Growing up I never had dreams of being a doctor or lawyer I never really had a dream of a ideal career path it was just more events I wanted to happen throughout my life. The first was I always wanted to live in a big city, I wanted to write or be on tv, I wanted to meet my future husband by accident and it be a spontaneous adventure, and lastly I wanted to see the world. And so far my life has been a constant cycle of repetition
1. I put my trust into somebody who I shouldn’t have to ever question to be let down
2. I finally get comfortable in a environment and have to leave or have something or somebody ruin it for me
3. I end up getting what I want to realize it’s not what I want
4. I try to change who I am to fit into where I live
5. I expect everybody to see a vision for myself that was strictly given to me for myself
This time last year I had settled into the idea of being a doctor. I had the grades, mentors, I had everything. I had amazing friends who supported it and never questioned it, nobody questioned it they all bought into the act I sold and life was amazing but then fast forward 3 months I was on the verge of taking my own life and 2 days ago I turned 21 and that day in November if it had went as I wanted it to I would of never even made it to celebrate my 21st.
We all wish and pray for great things to happen to us and our dreams to become reality. But nobody prepares you to get all you wanted and for you to hate it.
I remember I forcing myself to register for classes and thinking what the hell am I doing here. Why was I wasting time and spending money on something I had no passion for. For a job 9-5 2 weeks vacation living on salary patiently counting down the days till Friday for 2 days to do what I wanted while still stressing myself out about bills??? That’s what I’m looking forward to that’s my life after this shit.
I have been thinking about how unhappy college had made me I realized the men I had allowed around me weren’t of any better taste. To be honest with you they all fall under the same category group 1 thrive off having a Greek letter and being famous on a college campus and group 2 find their passion playing a sport and having more money then everybody from the block they grew up on combined, so what does that say about me??? That I like status, money, power, popularity? I really wondered why I was only attracted to those two groups when I realized I like what was unavailable and below my level of common sense and a challenge to grow attached too.
It was easy to tango with somebody who didn’t even know the game that I was playing. I don’t care if I offend anybody reading this because what’s being said needs to be said. If we ever talked 9 times out of 10 you were a game to me. You had a trait to you that reminded me of something in myself that I needed to fix or didn’t like. And by talking to you I would do and say things to alter how you felt about yourself and that trait. Example being one guy who I truly did find interesting and possibly could of seen myself with is extremely inconsiderate. Granted he has a busy schedule and life he’s living he never seems to stop and think maybe others have the amount of shit going on just different things. And through him I realized I was the same and became disgusted and in a way it changed me and I can’t even look at him the same because the idea and sight of him makes me upset.
I have been staying to myself for months and have been seeing a lot of guys from my past on social media looking for a change in them like myself and nothing, nada still the Same song and dance. Then I thought how it was easy for them to tell others about me why not blog about all I had to say about them so it came to me to do a whole series on all of them. Every. Single. One. There’s no amount of backlash that could possibly change my mind due to the reputation that was given and placed upon me from them so why not let the world know my side. I mean it’s not like they were lying or failed to mention all the work they put it to get my number, a follow back, or the amount of times they had to preach their case about why they deserve a second chance and so on and so fourth, I mean they mean they mentioned that when calling me all types of bitches and hoes right?
I won’t name drop because unlike them I have a little bit of maturity to me and know they have to save face for this act like they’re the man. But the funny part about me is I save everything and screenshot it all, so cleaning the dm and deleting the text thread means nothing because i kept it all. So you’ll know when it’s your turn by the cover photo being your first dm or text to me.
So I hope you told the truth and or didn’t feel the need to speak to me to anybody or you, your friends and the thousands of readers who read this blog will know you’re a liar. And also extremely distasteful and that’s not a good reputation to have, take it from me, the “slut”.