I’m a cheater baby welcome to the party

Accountability. Honesty. Self Reflection. 3 things I am about to make everybody who is reading this do. I personally know I am always complaining about being single. I will bitch and moan about how nobody wants me, how I am undesirable, and how I am going to die alone. I really just enjoy talking out my ass becasue I am far from all of these things. I say this as humble as possible but I have options. My dms have some pretty good perspective and others are more “how in the hell did you even get accepted onto my profile.” It was when I was bitching about being solo on valentines day I realized I am solo because I want to be solo.

I have this cute little toxic thing I do where I feel like a guy is starting to like me I pull back. I do not know where I learned this from but is something I do and have been doing way before I knew I was doing. I love flirting with people. I love seeing how far I can get with somebody without having to fully jump in with them. I do not do it as an ego stroke but it is more a part of how I express myself when I like somebody. I like having people at comfortable distances. Where we are both close with one another beyond the typical relationships I have with other guys, but still far enough to were if he decided one day he wanted to leave my heart wouldn’t be shattered. And being like this has honestly stopped a lot of potential relationships I could have had with guys, and I like to tell myself it weeded out the weak, that I did not accidentally curve and dead my soulmate because my soulmate would cleary break every wall and shield down and I will not feel the need to be like that with him.

Secondly, I am too involved with myself. I want to be happy and do what I want when I want without having to worry about another person. So yes I am selfish, I think about me more then I think about others. And I believe being in a relationship you can live separate lives but you at the end of the day move as a unit, and that is not something I am openly and down to do with just anybody. I have big dreams and visions for myself and I am the type of the person that if I am involved with somebody else I am going to dedicate time to helping them grow and make sure their dreams and visions get off the ground, leaving mine in a way to shrink then eventually die out.

Third, if I do not care about the person to the point I can see myself loving that person I will cheat. Though I have never cheated on anybody I know me, and I know if I jump into a relationship simply because I am bored and lonely, I will cheat. I have all the resources to cheat. I have the options to chose from, and ways to sneak around without getting caught, but that is not how I move nor how I ever want to move as not only a person but as a woman. This is a major reason I stay single is becasue I am still very curious about people. There have been multiple times where I was beginning to get to know guy then another guy comes around who is like 50 times better and we have more in common and then I eventually begin to pursue him more then eventually fully over the first guy. And is it fair? no. But is life and I can only do that becasue we are simply talking and not dating. If I was dating the first guy and entertaining the second that would be cheating, and cheating is foul shit you can do to your partner. So that is why I am single, becasue I am still learning about myself and discovering what I like.

Fourth, The men I always like like are emotionally unavailable and busy beyond me. I like men with high ambition and who defy and beat the odds, it is inspiring and makes me want to do the same. So when dealing with men like this they usually have hella options, are always traveling and doing something and do not know how to express themselves becasue they never have had to express themselves. Women take their shit. They are allowed to get away with murder becasue of the ambition and titles they hold and that does not fly my way. I know in a way it is a double sided sword but I just feel like as an adult you know the basic way to not only treat other people but communicate with other people. And some really cannot do it. Their idea of communication and mine are polar opposites, so this is probably the second reason I would say I am single and will remain single.

Fifth, I am a luster. I usually pursue a guy simply based off how he looks. I could care less what we become or where we go I just like what I see. And typing this seems so damn mean and bad but it is the truth. I have had only 2 lust incidents lead to love. The rest was all lust. I did not care if he had a good day if he ate, hell I could care less if we ever spoke again because I did not care about him in that kind of way at all. And I know usually within the first conversation do I like him or do I like how he looks and what he has? And the real way you can tell I like you is if I not only answered unscheduled facetime calls but I also ask you questions about you and check in. I rarely check in with people, if ever and if I am doing that with you, you mean something to me, beyond who you look or what you have. And I could never date somebody I simply lust over, I would drive myself insane. When I am with somebody I want there to be a genuine connection and love. Not he can bust my wrist down cause I am cute. I can not act like I am invested in somebody that type of way when there is nothing genuine there.

So as you read I hope I got you thinking and realizing that your love life is non-existent because you may just be your own damn problem. And also know there is more to life than having a boyfriend/girlfriend. so so so much more. Learn more about yourself and what you like. But if you swear up and down you are unflawed and still can not figure out why you are single, you just might be ugly ….. and there is still somebody out there that is waiting to meet your ugly ass and love you beyond what words can explain. Until then stay patient and work on yourself.

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