I have missed you guys so so so much, but I am also glad I took a break from blogging and learned to take myself out of the internet world and can actually enjoy the real world. So my months away I am going to break it down into parts and I hope y’all enjoy.
YOU HAVE TO LET FRIENDSHIPS MEANT TO END, GO
I have been using that unfollow and block button with no remorse and I do not feel bad nor second guess my decisions for cutting off the people on the other end of it. I learned I do not have it in my heart to hate people, and some people truly deserve to never hear from me again in life but that just s not how God made me nor who I want to be when it comes to people. However I can and will go without talking to somebody if i feel like it will be beneficial to us both and that is something I have learned to let happen. I have friends that I love, genuinely love and want to see win but will never back track or extend the olive branch to make amends. I want them to win just not with me.
SOCIAL MEDIA SHOULD NEVER BE A FACTOR INTO YOUR HAPPINESS AND SELF WORTH
I remember when I finally hit 10k on the gram I felt like the baddest bih on the planet. I had 10k, a popping following you now couldn’t tell me a damn thing, but the reality is I was so stuck in a fake world, and really fed off the attention and likes that the page gave me. It was like I would wake up and obsess over what to post, how to increase my followers, how to get more interaction, how many likes I needed within a 15 minute period ( if it was under 100 delete it and post it on the story). Hell I even watched who I followed and if they did not have a certain look or ratio they could kiss the idea of me following them back goodbye, then one day I realized 1. Who the fuck was I to put myself on this pedestal and labels on somebody based off their social media and 2. Who was I becoming because it was not who my dad raised and sure as hell not somebody I would want to be friends with. So I deleted the page, I shocked everybody because the page was a goldmine. I had built the perfect followers list and as simple as plugging in my password and hitting delete account the page was over. And I am so thankful I did it because it leads me into this phase.
NOBODY IS GOING TO RESPECT YOU UNTIL YOU RESPECT YOURSELF
Self respect is not just not allowing people to call you out of your name, it is not answering the call in the middle of the night when there was no communication during the daytime hours, it is not allowing somebody to continuously treat you like you are a option when you made it clear you want to be a priority, it is putting yourself first even though you know it is going to cause conflict, it is knowing you worth and holding everybody accountable to paying that price, plus the tax. To be honest this is the easiest thing to do out of all these but everybody is so scared of being alone that they rather be a doormat then a human being. The obsession with marrying a person with clout and money has made people truly stupid. What real man is going to respect you if you are cool with letting him play you out? Really sit there and think about because we as women do not give men enough credit for how smart they actually are. You let him get away with cheating and calling you out of your name and giving you the bare minimum and he’s supposed to look at you like ” yup this is the one, this is my wife, I finally found her” like are you that damn dumb? I am going to be real it took me realizing that being stupid was one giving him the green light to think I was some type of dummy and 2. That I did not know my own worth allowing him to downplay my worth just creating a big ass mess. And when I finally put my foot down it was like the world did a whole 360 and it started the snowball effect.
IF YOU WANT SOMETHING GO GET IT.
I have filled over 200 job applications this summer, sent numerous emails and have put myself out there to any and everybody who would listen, and it is finally starting to pay off. I have never been un-genuine in anything I have ever done when it came to working. When people meet me i am 100 percent myself, no gimmicks and I learned my personality in itself is a huge factor in my own success and progression in life. In my early teenage years all the way into my 20’s I would besoms pressed about why people did not like me, especially when I did not know the person, but now I get it. I have alwyas know myself and for every person that does not like me there is 10 who love me and that causes conflict in conflicted people. But when I say I want something I have all the capability to go make it happen.
BACKTRACKING IS FOR THINGS LOST, NOT THINGS THAT LEFT
It’s sickening to think I used to try to pleas my case to people about why we should mend our relationship, now of days people will get a swift thank you next type of response from me if they even get a response from me. I read the old blog post and text threads, subliminal tweets and laugh because what the hell was I going through? Every failed relationship and friendship ended because I clearly had served my purpose in their life and them in mine. I grew from all the drama in my life, and learned from every last person I had out grew and who had out grew me along the way. I have friends I love that I do not call anymore, I cut off a man I would go to war behind, this is life. If you are not letting go and mending relationships that feed you and open to new genuine relationships are you even growing as a person? Or are you stagnant?
CHANGE IS INEVITABLE
The thing about life is it is always changing. From your looks, to friends, to taste in food, music,clothes,people. You can attempt to run from it or embrace it and enjoy the journey. I have stopped fearing what all could go wrong and think about all that could go right, even with the sprinkles of what could possibly go wrong. Some of the best days of my life came from something going completely wrong. I no longer fear my future, because what is all meant for me will find me, I know longer fear people leaving me because for everybody I lost I met better. And the growing pains they hurt but damn do they make you grow, and growth is the most beautiful thing I think we are gifted in life. Growth, Choice and Love.
I am not saying by any means am I perfect now, but I am excited to share my life with you guys outside of my comfort zone, and am looking forward to all the changes I am making and the outcome of them.