When I was younger and pictured myself living in a big city, I pictured my relationship to be picture perfect. You know the whole romantic dinner dates, walk in the parks, nice gifts but when I became of age and living in the city it’s like my love life was a mix of for the love of New York and sprinkle in some bad girls club. I realize all of my favorite ex love interest have been some of the most damaged people I have ever met so what does that say about me and my character?
Before I get into how me and him got into a full blown fist fight over wanting to end the relationship I want to make it very clear that I will always have so much love for the kid, very much still gang about him. But you know things change as well as people. So let’s get into it shall we.
I was at work minding my business, counting down the time left until 6pm and debating on tweaking on my newest newly little developed crush. Then I saw my ex flames name pop up on my phone. And you know my heart hit my stomach and I’m like “ well well well, he just can’t get enough huh?!” So you know me and my “ I love a good moderate drama in life pick up the phone giddy as hell to hear the typical I miss you, I can’t replace you, you’re the one and the only one for me script, you know feining for that rehearsed regularly scheduled ego boost. And it wasn’t like …. like not even in the slightest.
For starters that man let me have it,
I fully believe before he even called me he had paced around his house with that big ass smirk of his on some “ yeah I’m going to check her today, I’m going to let her have it, watch how I humble little miss goofy” because as soon as I answered he hit me with “ if you knew a quarter or your worth you wouldn’t have even picked up.” And when I say I was sitting there with the dumbest face truly speechless. He then continues to go in about how he wants to say his peace and get official closure. And those who know me know I’m not one to not hear somebody out so I agree to go to his house later to finally get “ closure “ didn’t even shave or get cute none of that. I really expected a heart to heart along with maturity & understanding and in reality we ended up fighting like two bitches on the street.
When I had first got there everything was good. He was looking good, whatever he had cooking smelled good, hell the small talk we were making before getting into it was even good. So I’m sitting there thinking “ do I really want closure with him, or can we work it out and past it?” So as he’s talking to me about how his life been and places he feels like where I messed up with us my newly developed crush had responded to me spazzing on him about texting me back within a appropriate time. ( yes I spazzed on that man to feel like I had a grip on at least one of the men in life). So I had looked down at the message and he saw the name and it was like a switch flipped and he wanted all the smoke with me.
No these men don’t know another but they know of the others existence and not even because of me. So when I saw him see the name I froze and my mind instantly resorted to that spongebob meme of “ight imma fuck with you.” So after seeing the message he begins to get aggressive asking me “ oh so you got a new man huh” you know all in my face acting like he’s not having sex with other females and playing house with a women damn near 10 years older him. So instead of entertaining the clown behavior I attempted to get up and leave. Mind you I’m 5’4 new 6’2, I’m sitting on the couch and he’s standing right in front of me. So as I come to stand up he pushes me back down. So the first push I laugh because I’m like oh so we playing this game, then came the second push and I’m in my head like “ ohh so we tweaking bet, if he touch’s me again I will mush the living shit out of his face” and long and behold third time he pushed me again and I sent my right hands to the middle of his face and pushed that shit back like a bad barber, and from there it was drama time.
He came at me like a angry cow but I knew in my head he wasn’t about to beat me up but there was about to be throwing hands and him restraining me and tossing me around to demonstrate his dominance, and we were in his house throwing hands like a party. I was just punching him wherever my hands would land and taking about how he’ll never find another me, he’s a ungrateful whore, even threw in some imma kill you’d for dramatic effect. And he was attempting to squeeze the life out of body and tossing me around as if he wanted to knock the sonic rings out of my body. In between the mist of the fighting and name calling I had dropped my phone, and when we hit intermission he had caught me looking at it walked over to it picked it up looked me dead in my face and said “ you want this” then threw it at the wall. After that I wasn’t even mad I was upset.
I instantly started to cry because I was exhausted. I just got into a street fight with somebody I loved and then he had the audacity to break my phone, which I had literally bragged about buying in all cash the night before. I had went back to the couch sat down and cried. I cried over my phone, I cried over the things he said to him, the fight, but mostly I cried over the things I said to him. I had some some real spiteful things and I did because my feelings were hurt and I wanted him to feel a way he made me felt and it only made me realize that 1. We both deserve better and 2. We both became blinded by our own anger and frustration towards one another.
When I met him everything was fun and new. We both were kids navigating through life and trying to figure out what we want and who we want. But we grew up with time and then we grew apart. We are selfish in the sense we only want to think about ourselves and career goals and that’s okay, we’re young I hold no resentment towards him for choosing himself, I’ll never not want him to chose himself because I will and have done the same.
I will always have so much love for him, and will always want what’s best for him and his happiness even if it’s not me, weeks after the fight I was disgusted by both of us but now I laugh because we acted like straight animals, like our dads would be so disgusted and embarrassed had they saw the behavior we displayed in that mans house. And that’s the thing movies don’t really show you when it comes to being young and learning how to love is it’s hard, and it’s the worst when it ends. So many emotions to process and there’s never a right way nor time to say goodbye. But in order to move forward you have to let go of the past and accept what once was isn’t meant to be. Though me and him are done I’ll never not be thankful for him and his time in my life. like I told him, I love you forever, and even after that.