The Emotionless Empath

I have never been the type to get mad and break things, when you truly upset me I just leave. I say what I have to say in the nicest way possible with all the facts and things I took note of and make my exit, and that is how you know things are done. I can detach like it was nothing. Now I will be hurt, and my feelings will be in limbo for a couple of weeks but that process is usually the start of something big and great for me. Every situationships/relationship/friendship I ever closed the door on or let die I have never not found something or somebody better. 

Recently after ending things with sir throws a lot, I ended it with the guy I had tweaked on too. I know I have been going out bad this past month literally back to back to fucking back. But things went differently. I had so much more of a control over my emotions that I must say this was the most grown and respectful exit, I have ever made out of somebody’s life. 

One thing I don’t accept under disrespect is lying. I hate being lied to. I would rather you just be upfront from the start then lie. And buddy had lied. One thing I am learning to really let happen is listening to my intuition. I can always feel when something is off and when somebody is lying, now sadly I do not always listen to it. I was quick to push things under the rug and act as if I do not hear that voice in my head nor feel it in my body that something is off.  Life though is too damn short to let people play with your feelings and your time. I had that feeling and thought about the outcome if I did say something to him and it would go one of 3 ways. 

  1. He would explain the situation and I could either chose to leave or stay 
  2. He could lie 
  3. He wouldn’t even say anything back 

I ended up typing out how I felt and sending the text in the middle of the night and leaving it at that and his response was 1. 

He had ended up explaining the situation but I did not believe a damn thing he had to say. It was like thinking about the situation had me pissed beyond words but when I saw things for myself with my own two eyes, it was disgust. The time was all I could think about. Like this person was really playing not only with me but my time. 

It takes a different type of person to see somebody mind their business living their life and then deciding to go interrupt it, knowing they can not even be a quarter of what that person needs,deserves and is seeking. What even makes it worse is that you bother somebody when you already have somebody… now thats that shit that will never register fully in my head.  Buddy saw I was doing great and content with my own little solo thing going on and came and bothered me! Like what do we even call that illness? 

So fast forward after that incident, we weren’t speaking. I had started to focus on the things I was doing before he came and interrupted the flow. And it was when I was out on the way to a lunch date he had hit me with “ you miss me yet” and y’all the audacity I felt when I read that message. I had planned on just leaving it on read because I am a killer with silence. I go from “ i’ll go to war about you” to “ you are going to think I am dead because you will never hear or see me again in your life.”  Thankfully my friend was there and came back with the witty response of “ not yet, check next week.” And I know that punched the ego a little bit. That message opened the door for the last and final communication between us. 

Though he had explained the situation, I knew what it was and what it wasn’t and I was not about to sell myself short of what I deserve and was for sure not about to insult my own intelligence. So when he asked what he did to get cut off I did not explain I just told him “ we are cool” and he knew i was basically telling him “fuck you, and fuck off. “ In a way her deserved to be left with that and only that. But me being the damn person  I am, I had to explain to him in detail why things are the way they are now because I felt bad for leaving like that, ironic right I felt bad for treating the person who was playing me like shit. 

I really meant well with him, and approached the whole situation completely different from all the others I have had in my life. And that is why I feel like I am not mad at him nor harbor any hostile feelings. I mean hell, how was I supposed to know he was who he really is? I had no warning I am just glad i listened to myself and stood on the hill of you are not about to play me out and died on it. I’m so glad I never had sex with him becasue the thought of the things I would feel and think if i did, make my tense up. 

I have to get it off my chest because nobody else will ever publicly talk about getting played out and nobody will ever probably tell guy about himself and his ways, but boundaries are important and standing up for your respect is beyond important. People treat you the way you allow them to, and I made it very loud and clear that shit will never fly with me. When Bryson tiller said “ girl he only fucked you over because you let him” I get it now. Sir throws a lot and I went through hell because I allowed it, I let him continuously get away with murder becasue I was scared to not have him. But now if people I love want to leave and or wild out and disrespect me I will gladly have them line it up at the door and let them leave ( ill even add in a kick to the back if they need that extra push).  This guy though was the straw that broke the camel’s back though. Somebody told me I am a lot and offer a lot but I do not know how to work my plate. And from here on out I am working the plate and busting people in the head with it when they want to act unappreciative of the plate. 

I needed to like somebody new, and I needed them to attempt to play me. Between all the bullshit that has been thrown at me the past months my tolerance for the bullshit was low and this situation forced me to really shut it down, because I truly could not take anymore. Firm believer in talk nice, never twice. The idea of allowing somebody to show me twice on how they are and how they rock is not something I am with and damn sure will not be something he will be granted. I wish pal the best in life and hope he grows up and learns not everybody is going to go with his shit, and he better act accordingly or be ready to be left exactly where he was found. 

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