The 5 stages of grief go as follows:

1. Denial
2. Anger
3. Bargaining
4. Depression
5. Acceptance

Well, I am here to teach you about a new grief system one that I feel everybody with the basic human capacity for empathy, morality, and even the tiniest scrap of heart has gone through. My friends, I’d like to introduce you to The 5 Stages of Bitching in Boston.

Have you ever fallen victim to following your heart over your head? To blind loyalty toward 90’s romcom fantasies, choosing Meg Ryan delusions over your God given intuition? Have you ever been so determined to prove how smart you are that you somehow managed to become the dumbest bitch alive?

Well, congratulations you’ve qualified.

Through the 5 Stages of Bitching in Boston, I will share from my very own, very stupid firsthand experience how to deal with the self inflicted grief that comes with ignoring your intuition and chasing sunsets with someone who deserves nothing more than a Yelp review that simply says: “Do not recommend. Negative stars if possible.”

I’ll show you the warning signs, the red flags you absolutely should not ignore (but probably will), and, most importantly, why everybody seems to fucking hate Boston! not just the traffic, not just the accents, but the men, the energy, the whole tragic aura.

Think of me as your tour guide through emotional Fenway Park. Except instead of baseball and hot dogs, you’re getting disappointment and a side of existential dread.

So buckle up, lock in, and grab a pen and paper. You’re about to discover the 5 Stages of Bitching in Boston, and trust me, it’s cheaper than therapy but just as painful.