High Maintenance Is In You, Not On You

When we think of high maintenance as women, we think of luxury bags, trips, vacations in the countryside or on a tropical island. We think of plastic surgery, nice restaurants, fast cars, and rich men. We consider high maintenance to be this thing that only certain people can experience and have.

For a long time, I thought that way. And as I got older, I discovered that high maintenance is so much more than materialistic things. I’ve learned that high maintenance is truly something that is embodied. It cannot be bought. It cannot be taught. It is something that you have within you and not on you.

When I think back to my early 20s, I would consider myself high maintenance back then because I would spend all this unnecessary money on having my hair always done, my nails always done, my lashes had to be done, my tan had to be done. I could only wear this and not that because that was seen as beneath me, because in my little bubble brain I thought I finally graduated from Rainbow to designer and by designer, I mean Michael Kors and Coach, which is designer, but now that I’m older and have experienced finer things… whew. There are LEVELS.

But when it comes to being high maintenance, there are no levels. There are no rules. It is truly something that you embody, and I’m going to explain how.

When I viewed high maintenance as being materialistic, I was driving myself crazy. I found myself always working to afford a lifestyle that was so demanding just to keep up this persona that I “really had it like that.” And I’m not going to say I didn’t have it like that but I had it like that because I was able to live rent free. I never hid that fact, but I also never publicly explained how much that played a huge benefit in me being able to afford everything I was purchasing so young. I was giving luxury illusion on a rent free budget and honestly, that’s kind of iconic.

Then as I got older and started making more money, the things that once made me happy and that I associated with being high maintenance started to feel taxing. I realized I was doing a lot of it because I felt like that’s what other people wanted to see. I personally started to hate it.

I never enjoyed having my nails done. I hate not seeing my nail bed. I hate polish because it chips. I hate gel because a salon in New York once gave me fungus from dip and literally burned me doing gel. Since 2022, I have not enjoyed having my nails done, and honestly, even before then, I always hated them. It didn’t matter how cute they were I could post them on Instagram like “OMG I love my nails sooo much,” then go home and want to bite them off like a stressed out hamster.

The only thing stopping me was the fact that I had just spent $100+ on them.

Because when you’re playing into this idea of being a high maintenance luxury girl, you end up doing things you don’t even enjoy just to keep up an image. That is the hard truth. You’re not even living for yourself at that point you’re living for the audience.

As years went by, I slowly started stripping back the things that weren’t actually for me. And I would say around 27 is when everything started to make sense. I knew what I loved, what made me happy, and what had just been a front to maintain an image nobody even asked me to project. I literally cast myself in a role I was never meant to play.

So I decided to take a new route when it came to high maintenance.

Dating, Standards, and Self Respect

The first shift was in dating and relationship standards. A huge issue I had always dealt with was entertaining inconsistent energy. And I was never bothered by it, because I too was an inconsistent person. I would specifically entertain men who I knew did not have the time or emotional intelligence to want anything past my comfort level. I found it fun for a long time, and honestly, I probably would still be in that same cycle had I not realized how much of a loser move it is to treat people like that.

There is nothing cool or high maintenance about having inconsistent people in your life, whether friends or romantic partners. Inconsistency to me is a lack of not only self love, but respect for others.

I was raised that if you’re going to do something, you’re going to give it your all or not do it at all. So when I realized I was treating people inconsistently on purpose, I gave myself the ick. From there, I decided I was done doing that to people, so I drew a line with people doing it to me.

And in doing that, I unconsciously stopped oversharing access to myself. I started prioritizing how someone made me feel instead of how they could impress me.

I have this blog, and I’m always candid on social media about what life is really like for me. Everyone likes to act like life is perfect and they have it all figured out meanwhile I’m in my little corner of the internet like, “Yeah… I don’t have it figured out, but I am figuring it out.”

And once you start centering yourself and surrounding yourself with people who make you feel seen and loved instead of people trying to impress you with jackass behavior, it becomes almost impossible to go backwards.

The friends I have now love the fuck out of me loudly, proudly, and consistently. So when I meet new people who don’t match that energy? I get the ick immediately. Olympic level ick.

High maintenance starts with a high sense of self and self love. You cannot expect luxury from others if you treat yourself like garbage emotionally, physically, mentally, or spiritually.

The second you choose yourself for yourself is when true high maintenance energy flows through you — and attracts what matches it.

Lifestyle, Environment, and Reset Energy

The second thing I changed was my lifestyle and environment.

It started with my room. I love colors and patterns, so I leaned into green because it’s my birthstone. I added green rugs, green curtains, and a green comforter. Now when I walk into my room, it feels alive. It feels like me. It feels like Pinterest met personality.

I started doing reset days — one day for laundry, another for self care. Skincare, haircare, painting my nails (even though polish chips like it’s in a race to disappoint me). Reading days. Days where I do absolutely nothing but exist and romanticize my own presence.

And I realized that when you give to yourself, people naturally want to give to you. When people see you actually putting yourself on a pedestal not just talking about it, it intrigues them.

I also became way more organized. Planners. Sticky notes everywhere. Writing everything down. Because before that, my brain was a chaotic filing cabinet with missing folders. Now I can physically see my progress, and that alone makes life feel more manageable.

Your lifestyle and environment are crucial pillars when it comes to embodying high maintenance energy

Beauty, Presentation, and Signature Style

You can’t talk about high maintenance without beauty and presentation.

My makeup is minimal but polished. No makeup makeup. Blush. Lip gloss. Mascara. Thick brows. Pink cheeks. That’s my signature and people know it.

My outfits are all over the place, but one thing I will always do is slay some fur. That is my brand. That is my ministry.

My signature scents are Versace Bright Crystal, Bath & Body Works Raspberry Holiday, and Palmer’s Milk Bath. My statement pieces are my two gold bracelets and my cross necklace or my nameplate necklace when I’m feeling branded.

High maintenance isn’t about trends. It’s about identity.

Mindset, Emotional Intelligence, and Protecting Peace

Another overlooked part of high maintenance is mindset.

I curate my social media heavily. I don’t follow influencers, Instagram models, or celebrities because most of it feels fake. I don’t find it refreshing seeing surgically enhanced people telling me what’s hot and what’s not.

I grew up obsessed with Kelis , she is easily one of the most beautiful women to me because nobody looks like her. To me, beauty is about being unforgettable, not copy and paste.

I believe in cutting off draining energy with zero guilt. Keeping people in your life who hurt you is like drinking poison and hoping it hurts them. It makes no sense.

I also read constantly fiction, romance, horror, self growth. Reading has genuinely saved me. It reminds me I’m not alone, and it gives me perspective.

And one of my biggest mindset shifts was romanticizing discipline, not chaos.

I’m committed to the gym. Not to be shredded but to feel capable. To feel strong. To feel hot because I take pride in myself. Loving yourself should show.

Wellness, Health, and Intentional Habits

High maintenance also shows up in wellness.

Walking to clear my head.
Taking supplements like fish oil, vitamin C, and zinc.
Journaling as emotional self regulation.
Drinking water like it’s a competitive sport.

I once drank so much water that my pee looked like there was nothing in the toilet. TMI? Yes. Was I proud? Absolutely.

Physical Maintenance That’s Intentional, Not Wasteful

Some physical things do count.

Hair trims every two months.
Deep conditioning days with Olaplex.
Teeth whitening and premium oral care.
Thick natural brows.
Looking like me ,not a three hour glam version of me.

If you want to change anything on your face, fix your teeth first. Teeth matter. I don’t care what Instagram models or rapper baby mamas say.

The Real Meaning of High Maintenance

Yes, high maintenance can include luxury. But it also includes mental health, boundaries, discipline, environment, self love, and peace.

High maintenance is magnetic. It is sought after. Not because it’s flashy , but because it’s rare.

Not everybody has self love.
Not everybody has peace.
Not everybody has discipline.

When you build yourself on those foundations, you don’t just attract a high maintenance lifestyle.

You become it.