Emotional Intelligence Isn’t Just Smart, It’s Sexy

For the longest time, I took pride in being nonchalant and heartless, which is so embarrassing to put on Beyoncé’s internet and admit. First of all, I’m a lady, so why I was running around acting like a buffoon is beyond me. But I admit it, I used to be so emotionally stunted, I thought it was my superpower. I thought the fact that I didn’t care about anything, not even myself, made me innocent, immortal, untouchable. Spoiler alert: all it did was make me look like a clown.

Going around in life not caring about yourself or how you make others feel is very, very childish, cruel, and straight-up loser behavior. It’s one thing to not care about yourself, but dragging other people into your circus of misery and lack of self awareness is a whole other ball game.

When I woke up to how ugly and unsexy my emotional stunting was, it made me want to lock in and become emotionally intelligent. I love vanity, I love being sexy, and I did not want to be viewed as a monster. Going through life not caring about anybody or anything is ugly and a sign of low intelligence. So here are the things I did to level up my emotional IQ and, spoiler alert, it made me sexy. Not even joking.

Number One: Don’t React, Just Respond

I used to get upset and instantly respond to whatever emotion was hitting me. The second someone opened their mouth, I would fire back things I didn’t even know I could say. Heated moments were my specialty. I hurt people and myself, and some friendships never recovered because of my emotional explosions.

When I started listening to respond instead of react, I realized I could pause, think, and choose calm over chaos. That’s power. That’s maturity. That’s hot. Crashing out like a 5150 escapee? Not hot.

Number Two: Communicate Without Being Cruel

I have said things to people I love that I still wish I could take back. They forgave me, but sometimes those moments pop up in my head, and I grimace. It’s not a reflection of who I am it’s ugly emotions in the heat of the moment.

Now I work on responding, saying how I feel without yelling, manipulating, or shutting down. Even if it’s uncomfortable, I say it. You can’t heal what you don’t acknowledge. Emotional intelligence is arguing like an adult, not a toddler.

Number Three: Take Accountability Without Ego

I had to kill my ego. And I mean kill it dead. My ego wasn’t about thinking I’m better than you—it was thinking I’m above situations. I thought, why me? Why do I have to deal with this?

I’ve also hurt people and tried to gaslight, excuse, or defend my actions. That’s ego, not me. Owning your mistakes is attractive. No excuses. No defensiveness. Just owning it.

Number Four: Hold Space for Other People’s Feelings

I ended a friendship with someone I had known forever because when I needed them, they shut off. They couldn’t show up when it counted. And I realized that listening, empathizing, and validating are some of the sexiest traits out there. They’re free. They make people feel seen and understood, and that is powerful.

Number Five: Choose Peace Over Proving a Point

I stopped hurting people just to win arguments. I stopped trying to be right at the expense of relationships. You don’t need to win every battle. Calm confidence, prioritizing peace, growth, and self-respect over being “right”—that is elite. That is maturity.

Number Six: Set Boundaries Without Guilt

Boundaries were tricky for me because I felt like saying no was saying fuck you to people I loved. Growing up, nobody respected my boundaries. I wasn’t allowed to say no.

As an adult, I learned that knowing what you will and won’t tolerate is confidence, clarity, and power all in one. People respect it, desire it, and want it. If you cross my boundaries, it’s on you. And I don’t feel guilty for protecting myself.

Number Seven: Stay Calm When Life Gets Messy

I used to reflect chaos in my life with my looks and behavior. I looked like what I was going through. I acted like what I was going through. I was younger. I was messy.

Now I stay calm. Life throws chaos, drama, and nonsense at you, but you don’t have to become messy too. Being grounded makes your energy magnetic. People want that energy around them.

Some people see my life and think it’s a cakewalk. I laugh because some days it’s really hard, and I just want a break. But staying calm and appreciating where my feet are right now because they won’t be there forever makes me unstoppable.

Emotional intelligence isn’t just smart. It’s magnetic, confident, and unapologetically sexy. Do what’s best for you while being mindful of how your energy affects others. Be remembered for being a good human. Be sexy, not a nuisance.