08/26/2016 As classes approach and the routine begins to set in i realized no matter how hard  attempt to act like i enjoy routine, i don’t i hate it. I hate knowing what is going on and what to expect that is not living that is routine. And we all do it from birth hell all the way to death. I can not think to a time when somebody wasn’t telling me how i had to go to school in order to be successful, how nobody realistically lives a life without a routine and i was feeding into it until i realized these people are the people who are molded by routine. My biggest fear in my life is becoming the people i can not stand. which are the boring bland everyday typical person. the 9-5 cubical desk doing the same repetitive job same faces,same town, just same. And when i began to tell people this they look at me like i am balistic and in the begininng that use to bother me but the more i began to read on people who started their own buisness and comapanies and so on everybody labled them as crrazy. because when you think outside what has been shoved down your throat form kindergarten to college you become brainswashed, unless you kept your own views and path and chose isolation over conforming into what the world wants, thats when you know    you are either going to have a mental breakdown or going to do something amazing. I am 19 and reflect on 15 year old me so much. I was a sopohmore and i was at my worst thayt year. I was rude unhapy and just blahhh litterally. Now looking back 4 yers ago i wish i wouldn’t have beeen so hard on myself. I always had big plans for myself and when one thing would fail id move to the next and so on and after awhile you get mad at failure thats where the age concept comes in. What i have learned from reading and being around people and parties and clubs is everybody trys but not everybody is going to succeed. We all have tried at something with all we had and failed so bad it looked like we just did not give a damn. My personal struggle was math, i tried in math i just never understood it but i was in class everydya attempting and still failed. And people would say well you failed cause you did not try. Like somebody who does not try does not show up. somebody who does not try does not go back and do it again, people who do not give a damn vanish whn times get hard regardless of what people say or do simply because they truly do not care.  And that is the biggest downfall of people is people pleasing, we all try to be somebody for somebody and that leaves us broken, it will leave you incomplete your whole life do not do it.