Written 07/02/2023

The first real heartbreak I ever experienced was at the age of 21. I remember my feelings were so hurt to the point, i took it upon myself to go on etsy and go on a scavenger hunt to find the “ perfect most powerful witch” to have that man barking by the end of the week. I ended up finding this one woman and falling down the rabbit hole that was her review. People were praising her for her work. Bragging about how their Ex’s were fired, laid off, in terrible freak accidents or just in a deep dark hole in life. I remember reading this list of 100’s and plus reviews and thinking “ damn, she does not miss”. And if you’re wondering if I had a change of heart or doubts after reading how bad these people’s lives seemed to be after the spell, well you are absolutely wrong. I was excited to spend my $44.44 and watch this man’s life go up in flames. I went to bed that night with the biggest smile on my face just knowing, justice was coming and karma was going to do her thing. And I was right to a certain extent. Justice and Karma did their thing for damn sure but not on him, however they definitely jumped me. 

One week after paying the fee, he ended up getting injured. And when word got back to me I was literally glowing with happiness. I felt like I was literally a Goddess on earth. That I was bestowed this superpower to take anybody or anything in my way down for $44 dollars at that, nobody could tell me nothing. I remember just smiling hard all 4 days at the idea of how distraught he was. How everything in his routine was now abruptly disturbed and his feelings were now shattered. Day 4 came around and I was still on this high. It was the 4th of July weekend. I was going to go out and have fun and just marinate in this feeling of vengeance. I did just that too. I had an amazing day. I was uploading everything I was doing and looking good, smiling and laughing, hoping he was at home all crippled and banged up feeling sad and bitter, watching me “ glow and thrive” ( I was genuinely torn up and missing him, something so serious).  Then the unthinkable  happened as I was driving home. 

As I was driving home singing Trina Single Again, smoke started to come from under my car hood. And not like a little bit of smoke but a lot. I am talking about a whole smoke show that a man sells to the women they’re making it with” during tax season. So naturally I panic and speed home and convince myself I just need an oil change and I’ll go in the morning and it’ll all be okay. I wake up in the morning and get ready to take my car to get an oil change, and y’all smoke again to the point the oil people basically hit me with “ get up out of here you and this death trap waiting to go off.” At this point I’m like “ God where are my breaks?!?!?” I ended up going to the gas station to let the car cool off. So I’m sitting in the car and you’d think I’d be more concerned about how the mechanic basically just called me and my car Sasha the suicide squad, but nope. I was sitting in this ticking time bomb going through this mans following and seeing if he followed anybody he knew I didn’t like and what girls had followed him since it was more than evident we were no longer speaking to each other. And when i finally got enough of hurting my own feelings, i went to turn my car now and the engine was locked. 

I remember being in such shock I started laughing, because no way. Like no way on God’s green earth did my car just break on me. I go from laughing to going into a complete rage fit. It had gotten so ugly to the point a lovely USPS woman came over and asked if she could help me with anything. Luckily for me we were literally across the street from a car shop so I had the car towed and she gave me a ride across the street. And as you can guess from my car, My baby Sasha was finished. I remember that night just laying in my bed laughing like damn your man and now your car, what else can i possibly lose ??? and i should’ve shut up while I was ahead, because my juicy couture necklace was the last thing to go in the trifecta from hell. 

So about 2 weeks go by, I have no car. I go to work, I come home and sit with my feelings and thoughts. Then one night I’m laying in bed debating on if I should jump from the local damn bridge or go dive into lake Michigan on a red flag day when my phone lights up from a call from him. I must say to have paid $44 dollars to have this man damned to hell boy was i excited to talk to him. Before I could even say anything he asked me “ So how is your car?”  I remember my face morphing into the most abused and pissed off look and I told him “ go to hell” and he laughed and told me “ there is no rest for the wicked ” and though he was joking it hit me like a right hook to the ribs. I was getting what I deserved plus some. 

We ended up staying on the phone for like two hours not even talking about our split but just life and how everything had seemed to go to shit in the snap of the finger. He went from being on top to injured and I went from being happy and outside with friends to carless and stranded at home miserable with my thoughts and feelings. Towards the end he told me how he called me because he knows I am somebody who doesn’t need time to think because then I’ll overthink, and do “ stupid shit” and he was absolutely right. A feeling I will never forget was hitting him with “ well I have something to tell you” The way my palms were sweating and the lump in my throat felt like it was about to choke me out.  And the way we both spoke at the same time, the words out of his mouth were “ so who did you sleep with ” and the words out of my mouth were “ i paid a witch on etsy to curse you” And i’ve never heard a silence so loud. Then it was followed up by both of us laughing. Like crying and laughing. He told me how I was insane and asked how it feels to have been robbed of $44 dollars. Because he was set to be fully healed in the next month, whereas my car was never recovering. And we laughed about it for the whole night. Ended up falling asleep on the phone laughing about how I was blinded by my own anger and I ended up only hurting myself and essentially paid with my own money to experience my own karma. 

Me and him haven’t spoken since then much, not even because of that, if anything that saved us in a sense. It made me remember that even though he hurt me to a point i never had experienced, how much i loved him and how at a point in time, how happy he made me. And that even though our time together had concluded, didn’t mean I had to become John Wick and make him answer for his actions. Lately when  i think back to this time in my life i always wonder “ when was i in this same story but the roles were reversed?” Because as much as i would love to say i’ve never been the problem, i have and i’ve been a huge one. This experience with him taught me how to not fight fire with fire but to walk away saying nothing because when you really love somebody but are completely done with them, it’s the best way to exit. And that lesson alone taught me that i was so in the wrong when it came to one of my old friends Cyn. And we will unpack that on next weeks blog. Until then, stay off Etsy looking for witches and if its all love, leave it just at that. Love.