Fear Isn’t Real And Learning to Be Seen Changed My Life

Growing up, it was always a running joke among my friends and family how much I loved attention. And honestly, I’d be lying if I said I still don’t, who doesn’t? From a young age, I knew I wanted to be a superstar. The center of the room. The person who captivated people just by being present. I think it’s in my blood, and if you’re into astrology like me, then as a Leo sun, moon, and rising, it’s quite literally written into me.

But as we grow older, something shifts.

We begin to learn the importance and the security of solitude. We learn that there’s power in absence. That not always being seen or heard can feel safer. And that’s where things get complicated. Because when you’re born loving to be seen, recognized, and admired, becoming someone who fears being seen feels like a betrayal of self.

Being seen means being perceived.

And being perceived might be one of the most uncomfortable things in the world.

When Confidence Turns Into Fear

When I was younger, I didn’t care what anyone thought about me. I knew who I was. I knew what I wanted to be. I knew what I wanted out of life. I was deeply secure in myself so secure that nothing anyone said could shake me.

But as you grow, that security gets tested. You’re surrounded by insecure adults, insecure peers, and a world that treats self awareness and self love like flaws. Suddenly, confidence is labeled selfish. Loving yourself is called narcissistic. Knowing yourself is threatening.

People place these labels on those who know who they are not because confidence is dangerous, but because it reflects what others refuse to face in themselves.

Confident people are mirrors. And not everyone likes what they see.

The Shift at Fifteen

I’d say my shift happened around 15. That’s when I started hating being seen. Not because I was afraid of what people would think but because of what I was already thinking about myself.

I’m a perfectionist. I always want to be better. To do better. To be the best version of myself. And the truth is, there is nothing anyone could ever criticize about me that I haven’t already picked apart internally.

I spent years tearing myself down in the name of “self-improvement,” and somewhere along the way, I became deeply uncomfortable with visibility. Photoshoots made me anxious. Film sets made me uneasy. I hated being watched.

Which is ironic because little me thrived on attention. It fed me. It energized me. And suddenly, as an adult, I just wanted everyone to look away.

Attention Wasn’t the Problem , Perception Was

I didn’t hate attention. I hated what came with it.

Because when people look at you, they aren’t just admiring you they’re assessing you. Measuring you. Looking for flaws. Looking for what you’re confident in so they can either figure out how to get there themselves… or how to humble you.

We live in a world that tells you to love yourself but not too much. Not enough to make insecure people uncomfortable.

October 2025: Calling Fear What It Was

Around October 2025, I realized I didn’t like this fear I had of being seen. And it was fear. Real fear the kind that makes you overthink, sweat, spiral, and assume the worst.

I was afraid of being seen because I assumed people were thinking the same harsh things about me that I was already thinking about myself.

And then I stopped and asked myself something simple:

Do you actually care what these people think?

The answer was no.

The only opinion I’ve ever truly cared about is my own.

And in that moment, I realized I was living in fear and I refused to keep doing that.

I had already survived everything I was afraid of. I lived through it. Experienced it. Learned from it. So why was I still letting fear control me?

If someone thinks my nose is too big so what?
If someone prefers my hair straight but I wear it curly who cares?

I have been many versions of myself, but one thing has never changed: I’ve always known who I am and what I want from life.

So if people are going to see me then so be it.

Running Toward Fear Instead of Away From It

That’s when I decided: fuck it.

Fear doesn’t get to live here anymore.

Instead of running from fear, I started running toward it arms open, loud, unapologetic. Fear should fear me.

And everything changed.

I don’t obsess over perfect photos anymore. I don’t walk into auditions anxious or panicked. I show up prepared, grounded, and content because I know I did my best.

I don’t care if people like me. I care if I’m respected and valued. Being liked doesn’t pay my bills or protect my peace. And honestly, if everyone likes you, you’re probably average.

Brilliant people are rarely universally liked because brilliance is threatening.

Honesty Changed Everything

When I stopped fearing visibility, I became honest. Truly honest. Not just with others but with myself.

I stopped saying “it’s fine” when it wasn’t. I stopped shrinking my feelings to keep the peace. I stopped being afraid of being seen as difficult, dramatic, or the villain.

If being honest makes me the bitch so be it.

You cannot be good to others if you are not good to yourself. And sometimes being good to yourself means disappointing people.

Learning to Be Seen Again

I started small.

I wore my hair curly. I stopped chasing “polished” and embraced what naturally grew from my head. I read more and realized that the people we now call brilliant were once called crazy. They weren’t afraid of being seen. That’s what made them great.

I started saying no.
I started saying yes to life.

I stopped fearing what could go wrong and started imagining what could go right. I could meet someone who changes my life. I could find my husband. I could land the opportunity that shifts everything.

There is power in being seen if you aren’t living in fear.

Fear Isn’t Real Without Permission

Fear only exists if you allow it.

Bad things will happen. They already have. And yet you’re still here. Reading this. Breathing. Living.

So start operating from possibility instead of fear.

You go into the ground alone. Live for yourself. Do what makes you happy. People will talk whether you’re doing good or bad it’s guaranteed.

Take what you fear. Run toward it. Turn it into inspiration.

Because fear is the doorway from average to brilliant.

And you hold the power.