Butterflies Are a Warning Sign and Other Lies I Once Believed About Love

For the longest time, I thought love felt like a rollercoaster drop. That nervous, heart fluttering, stomach twisting sensation? Butterflies? Oh, I was convinced that was the universe telling me, Yes, girl, this is it. He is The One. Spoiler alert: he was never the one. In fact, every single time I felt butterflies, I should have been running, not romanticizing. Turns out, those weren’t feelings of love. They were my nervous system screaming, Danger! Turn back now! And yet, I stayed, thinking discomfort was just a side effect of something deep and passionate.

But wait, it gets worse. Because not only did I mistake anxiety for love, I also thought criticism was love. I really let people nitpick me to death, believing they just wanted me to be “better.” I thought their unsolicited comments about how I dressed, how I spoke, what I should be doing with my life, and why I needed to change were acts of care. Looking back, these people weren’t loving me they were projecting their own insecurities, and I was the canvas they chose to paint their self-doubt on. I wasn’t evolving because of their “advice.” I was just shrinking.

And don’t get me started on the age old apologies and gifts in place of real change trick. I used to think, Wow, he really cares. He got me flowers after he ignored my feelings for the hundredth time. I thought love was about forgiveness and understanding. And yes, it is to an extent. But when someone keeps doing the same thing over and over while throwing a half hearted “I’m sorry” or a Starbucks gift card at me? That’s not love. That’s emotional bribery. People know what they are doing, and more importantly, they know how they are making you feel. If you feel like they don’t care, it’s because they don’t. It took me way too long to learn that real love doesn’t require repeated forgiveness for the same offenses.

But the most embarrassing thing I ever mistook for love? Someone wanting to be around me all the time. I genuinely thought constant attention and presence meant devotion. Oh, how naïve. Because now I see that people who have no life outside of you do not love you. They want to be you, drain you, or and this is the worst one they are so undesirable to the rest of the world that you are their only option. Yep. I said it. If nobody else wants them, they will stick to you like a lint roller to a fuzzy sweater. They will call it love, but it is dependency, insecurity, and low value self esteem wrapped in “I just always want to be with you.” Meanwhile, you’re left wondering why their presence feels more like an anchor than an embrace.

So what have I learned? Love is not butterflies. Love is peace. Love is not criticism disguised as concern. It is encouragement, support, and belief in your ability to grow on your own terms. Love is not meaningless apologies or gestures meant to pacify you. It is accountability and real effort to do better. And love is certainly not someone attaching themselves to you like a lost puppy with no sense of direction. It is two people with full lives choosing to intertwine, not one person making you their entire world because they have nothing else going for them.

I have finally unlearned the lies, and let me tell you, it is freeing. So if you are out there, feeling those butterflies, wondering if he is the one check your gut. It might not be love. It might just be your body telling you to run.